What planet have I landed on THIS time?
Where do I want to go today? FORGET where do I want to go today, where the heck am I NOW??
Wawmart Does Lindows
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads "Windiz 98" with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge.
It ships with the Brown Ale screen saver.
Also note:
Other Features:
Also note that Windiz 98 does not recognise capital letters or
punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Windiz 98:
We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
It has come to the attention of Microsoft that several copies of a Geordie version of Windows 2000, otherwise known as Windaz Too Thoosand, may have accidentally been shipped out of Newcastle.
If you have one of the Newcastle editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.
You will be able to tell immediately if you have a copy of Windaz 2000 by the egg-timer being replaced by a bottle of Brown Ale.
Also note:
The recycle bin is labelled "Shite"
Dialup network is called "Me mates"
Control Panel is known as "How we fook aboot wi the settins"
The hard drive is referred to as "Big disk wi aall me stuff on it"
Other features to note:
Ok - Alreet
Cancel - Fook that
Yes - Aye
Goto - Owa there
Help - Ah cannit dee it
Personal folder/My Documents - Me shite
Windaz 2000 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.
Applications exclusive to Windaz 2000
Tipe Rita - a word processor
Cullarin book - a graphics package
Addin masheen - a calculator
Dole 2000 - accounting software
Porn - Internet Explorer
Microsoft are sending a containment team to the area but there are fears that the version has escaped the net and will turn up on a computer near you when you least expect it. Take care, try not to have nightmares.
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Windows Recall
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Scotland version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Scotland.
If you have one of the Scotland editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Scotland edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98, Ye Ken, with a background picture of William Wallace superimposed on a St. Andrews Cross. It is shipped with a Mel Gibson screen saver.
Also note the Recycle Bin is called 'The Bucket.'
My Computer is called 'Thon Computer Thingie.'
Dialup Networking is called 'Phone the Bhoys.'
Control Panel is known as 'the Dashboard.'
Hard Drive is referred to as 'the tractor.'
Floppies are referred to as 'thae wee plastic disc things.'
Other features:
- Instead of an error message you get a windae covered with a picture of a neep.
- OK = 'ats fine'
- cancel = na na ma loon
- reset = Och ye'd be as weel startin again
- yes = Och aye
- no = nae chunce mon
- find = if ye'd bothered to pit it past in a safe place, ye widnae need to look for it noo
- go to = go'n ower 'ere
- back = back the wye
- help = geese a haun'
- stop = pack it in
- start = com on 'en
- settings = sittins
- programs = stuff whit daes stuff
- documents = stuff I hive done afore
Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Windaes 98:
- Pincil an paper...........A word processor
- Colourin book.......a Graphics program
- Addin machine......calculator
- Andrex......notepad
- Jukebox............CD player
- Photies.............A graphics viewer
- Tax records.........usually an empty file
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Scotland edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
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